Dexter - Bowels Of Wrath

I was pretty excited after watching the promo for Dexter last week. It had loads of snippets which looked promising and gave me new hope that possibly, maybe, hopefully the writers will see the light and end season 6 with a colossal bang. After some mediocre episodes in the last few weeks, 'Talk To The Hand' sort of fueled my faith in this series.

Make no mistake, I HATE the way the writers have handled Dexter this season, but if I'm going to watch season 7 (and I will), a finale of ginormous proportions needs to happen next week. I'm pretty used to being underwhelmed by this show by now, so imagine my surprise when I found myself at the edge of my seat when Beth (lady whose husband Dex stabbed last week), walked into Miami Metro with a bag of Wormwood. It's been a while since Dexter got something right, so stopping Beth from making the air inside Miami Metro as poisonous as the air inside the Enron complex was a step in the right direction. That being said, the rest of the episode was kind of a bummer.

Let's be realistic. Every time we see Dexter in danger, we know nothing's actually going to happen. Apparently the writers have come to realize this and didn't even bother to leave the viewers hanging when Dexter escaped Travis's ring of fire.

Batista's capture had an ominous vibe to it in the last episode, so imagine my chagrin when Quinn (yuck), of all people actually did something right for a change and saved Batista from becoming a Cuban-American barbecue. Now Batista has to live with the shame of owing his life to Quinn (ugh). The shame!

Another significant and weird development was the conversation between Debra and shrink lady. The suggestion that Debra might have romantic feelings for Dexter, caught her completely off guard as it did everyone else. Now with the idea planted in Deb's head, it was only a matter of time before she would actually have a dream about getting it on with her step-brother. Nice going, shrink lady! Weren't you supposed to solve Debra's problems??

Meanwhile, LaGuerta revealed a whole new level of bitchiness by getting Matthews fired for the hooker fiasco. Miami Metro consists of an array of morons of different shapes and sizes, but now with LaGuerta at the helm, there is no limit to the level of incompetence the division can achieve. Dexter's dark passenger is going to have his hands full next season.

The MOST interesting part of this episode, in my irrelevant (but not if you're reading this. Ha!) opinion, was nerd dude Louis' package for Dexter. What the hell was he drawing on the Ice Truck Killer hand?? I am officially intrigued.

All in all, tonight's show wasn't all that bad considering the crap we've had to put up with the last couple of weeks. Although Dexter didn't kill anyone, I am eager to see him make up for it by planning a very special sendoff for Travis next week.

Tidbits

- I seriously expected a main character to get killed tonight. It's still possible (well, not tonight). Please, let it be LaGuerta! Quinn gets a pass for saving Batista's ass (hey, that rhymed).
- The expected symptoms for minimal exposure to the Wormwood gas were nosebleeds and dizziness. It doesn't take a genius to guess Dex is gonna get dizzy at the exact wrong moment. That's what makes (or used to make) good TV.
- Nerd dude Louis. What do you think? Prospective bad guy?
- I sense an epic and religiously symbolic death for Travis. The viewers deserve that much, right?

The season finale's next week. I'm already starting to miss this show. Actually I've been missing it for some time. Sad face.

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Boss - What Just Happened?

I'll tell you what happened. Kelsey Grammer just won himself a freakin' EMMY! I just watched the season finale of Boss a couple of hours ago and boy, if there ever was a moment in television history that needed to be remembered, it's this one.

After the maw-gaping episode last week where Kane practically sent a massive 'screw you' message to all the individuals on the wrong side of his band wagon, this week's show went a step further by getting its hands dirty, then rolling around in the mud and finally peeing all over it.
What an episode, folks! The results of the gubernatorial primary were finally revealed with a bruised and bloodied Zajac (literally) emerging as the winner. Now that Zajac is basically Kane's sock-puppet, season two will hopefully involve more embarrassing moments for the newly elected governor of Illinois.

The focus however, was on Kane and Stone as they steamrolled through the remnants of Alderman Ross's plan in order to re-establish Kane's supremacy. Things looked like they were running smoothly for the Mayor until the whereabouts of the elusive nurse Debra (who he tried to strangle a few weeks back) became known. So obviously Stone sent unnamed gray haired dude to finish her off. Except he didn't (really good room service. They save your life and everything!). When Kane decide to pay Debra a visit to the hospital, he was in for a nasty surprise.

The writers of Dexter's currently abysmal season should learn a thing or two about how to reveal a twist from this show. I didn't expect Stone to be the leak. Didn't have a clue. The astonishment and ultimate disgust on Kane's face was brilliantly executed by Grammer. Ezra's speech about Kane's fall from grace and his own ultimate moral awakening should alone earn Martin Donovan an Emmy nomination as well.

Ezra's ultimate death was intense. His expression after being shot had a certain degree of contentment which suggested he died with a clear conscious. Bravo, Martin Donovan!

American Horror Story is NOT the scariest show on television.
Kane's godfatheresque approach to his political and personal life has now led to his daughter's incarceration, his wife's disgrace and the death of his closest confidant of thirty years. I am shit scared of this guy!

Tidbits

- Did anybody feel sorry for Kane in the final scene? I didn't.
- So who was unnamed gray haired dude really working for? Kane or Stone?
- Tom Kane makes me piss my pants. I'm not kidding. Look at the picture. Look at it!
- This show should receive a barrage of Emmies. If it doesn't, I will eat Jane Timoney's hat.

That's it. Fridays are officially empty from next week. Sniff.

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Person Of Interest - Family, Friends & Big Ass Grenade Launchers

Thursday nights rock!! There are just too many shows to watch and not enough time. After an hour or so of comedy, it's on to the serious stuff, and it doesn't get any more serious than the most kickass show on television right now, Person Of Interest.

I've mentioned before how much this show gets my blood pumping and tonight was no different. 'Get Carter' was by far the most exciting storyline I was eager to watch and it did not disappoint. Reese has protected or pursued some really memorable characters over the past couple of months. So when Finch's machine pooped out Detective Carter's number, Reese's left eyebrow twitched a little indicating significant astonishment. The idea of protecting the very person intent on hauling his keester off to jail presented an interesting and unique challenge for Reese. And it wasn't easy.

With a gun-running gangster, a wife-beater (a real person, not a sleeveless shirt), and a certain high profile (yet inexplicably inconspicuous in a POLICE PRECINCT) mobster named Elias all gunning for Carter's head, Reese and Finch had their work cut out for them. But our favorite dynamic duo handled the situation with absolute aplomb and finesse, and of course a grenade launcher had to be involved.

But seriously guys, how cool was Reese in this episode? He appeared to be wearing and using the stuff I have on my Christmas Wish list. Let's see -

- Awesome jacket, check.
- Amazingly cool motorcycle, check
- Wicked crazy sub-machine gun, check
- Big ass grenade launcher, check

See what I mean?

When Carter's CI turned out to be the real threat, it was a nice enough twist, although not exactly unexpected. What was great to watch was the absolute synchrony with which Reese, Finch and Fusco worked together. It was like clockwork, and brought out the fact just how awesome this show has become.

For about half a second, I thought it was curtains for Carter, which would have been an earth shattering step for the show. Who knows? It could have worked. Killing off a main character this early in the season would have put the show on the map, or it could have backfired. Tough call for the writers, but in the end probably the right one.

It was good to get more background info about Joss Carter (that's her name, according to Reese). From her past, which included her stint as an army interrogator to her present as a cop and a mother, it gave us an opportunity to get to know her better instead of just making her out to be the reason why Reese hasn't used the full extent of his badassness.

Tidbits

- Did you know it was a good eight minutes (including ads) into the show before Reese made an appearance? I didn't notice. And he's the best part of the whole damn thing. That's how good this show is!
- Did anybody else smile when Reese called Finch 'Harold'? I think he's mocking you, Finch.
- After the items already mentioned, Fusco's gift wrapped police doll camera is next on my wishlist.
- I'm eager to see another Reese-Elias showdown. Aren't you?

Ah, Thursdays. It's a pity you only come once a week.

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Community - Trimming The Hellraiser

How awesome is this show?? I'd promised myself not to watch it anymore until next year (I'm trying to cut down. My therapist says I watch too much TV). But 30 seconds into tonight's episode 'Regional Holiday Music', and I was telling my resolve to go take a hike.

This episode was 22 minutes of pure comedy gold! There have been a lot of failed comedies this season and I want all of them to take notes. As far as I'm concerned, this was a hit-or-miss episode, and if any show on the face of the galaxy could pull it off, it's Community. Bear in mind, tonight's show wasn't nearly as good as 'Remedial Chaos Theory' or 'Modern Warfare', but compare this to any episode of Whitney (blech) or even New Girl (the 'breakout' comedy of this season). The difference is in light years.

I'm proud to admit I've never seen a single episode of Glee, nor will I ever see one. A lot of Glee fanatics would not have been amused by this. I DON'T CARE.
Lines like 'Abed, you look gleeful' made me laugh like a hyena! This show had its share of funny moments including Annie's embarrassing bit for Jeff (accompanied by a proportional drop in her IQ. Yikes, Glee fans must be livid!), Dr. Gleekenstein's (actually his name was Cory) hissy fit and to top it all off the most delightful forty seconds of my life which involved Dean Pelton, Senor Chang, Star Burns, Lenard, Magnitude and a bunch of Christmas ornaments. Genius!

And how long have we waited for Troy and Abed to re-enter the rap scene?? Ever since 'La Biblioteca' entered my life, I have yearned for the moment when these two would break it down again. Bravo, you crazy freaks!

Explain to me again WHY this show isn't coming back for NBC's mid-season schedule, because I am thoroughly nonplussed.

Tidbits

- Wanna guess what my new ringtone is gonna be? No, not Troy and Abed's rap song. Britta singing as the Mouse King was music to my ears.
- Fun fact. I used to be a reverse bully in high school.
- Taran Killiam was just plain irritating as Cory. Bring him back soon!
- The 'three wise monkeys' scene by the girls during Troy and Abed's study room performance was so hilariously subtle. Just how much thought do they put into this show??

Person Of Interest is on tonight. Thursday nights are freakin' awesome!!

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American Horror Story - Gimp Suit Madness

So how disgusted are you feeling right now?? A lot? Every episode in this freak show of a series has left us with the need to take a cold, long shower to wash off the gunk of human (and spectral) nastiness associated with it. The message is clear - Be prepared to be grossed out every week, and like it.

So after the supposedly 'massive' revelation that one of Vivien's twins is the Antichrist, this episode followed up by completely forgetting about it and focused on Violet, Tate and the late boy-toy Travis's murder. After being absent from the previous episode (and from school apparently, where the hell was she?), Violet reinforced the opinion that of all the pissed off teenagers on the face of the planet, she is the worst, and the dumbest. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she's a GHOST.

Oh yes! The big reveal tonight was that Violet is indeed dead. Kudos to the twisted freaks who called it right after the bathtub scene a few episodes ago. I didn't.
But this is where I got really confused (it doesn't take a lot). So can Violet leave the house or not? When I say house, I mean house minus garden. In one scene, she went all the way to the gate. But in the next, she barely got out the front door. Watch the scene again. You'll see what I mean. The discrepancy is not negligible, writers! It's a big ass garden.

Besides, Hayden could leave the house when she got arrested by Luke. Moira left the house on Halloween (but not on any other day apparently). What the bleedin' hell is going on here? Writers. Kindly clarify.

Meanwhile, Constance became the prime suspect in Travis's murder, and she didn't like it one bit. After some huffing and hawing (the hawing involved trying to cut crazy Larry's balls off), she discovered that one of the ghosts inside murder house (Hayden, but Constance doesn't know that) killed Travis and Larry just disposed of the body. Larry ended up confessing to the crime because he felt guilty about his previous actions. You know, the actions that made his wife burn herself and her kids. Is it just me, or did the sight of his kid's burnt faces actually register genuine regret on his face? Believe it or not, he was actually my best character on the show. His incarceration indicates that we may have seen the last of him. Bollocks.

I honestly don't know what to make of this episode. I enjoyed Ben getting his ass kicked. But, if there is anyone in this show who needs a good ol' fashioned tune up, its Tate. Maybe Constance should pay him another visit.

Tidbits

- Being a resident Hooplehead, I was glad to see Deadwood alumni W. Earl Brown (the Verminator) again. Now I really hate Tate. Nobody messes with Dan Dority!
- Constance's lawyer. He's the guy from Hostel, right? And Dumb and Dumberer? His talent agent sucks!
- No more crazy Larry? Bollocks again.
- Jessica Lange has been spectacular throughout this series. It needed to be said.

Yes, I'll be tuning in next week. Don't ask me why. Shut up and watch.

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New Girl - Bland And Icky

Tuesday nights are so boring nowadays! Even NCIS has lost its charm (sorry fans, it just has). I need my TV shows every night to be entertaining and enthralling. So desperate was I this starry night (I didn't go out to check, it might have been starry), that I tuned in to New Girl for an embarrassingly third time this season.

The harping and the hype associated with this annoying show is beyond me. Zooey Deschanel is supposed to be quirky and adorable. She is. I'll give her that.
But she ain't funny. Not by a long shot. Believe me, I tried to laugh, I really did (sob), but the laughs just weren't coming. Adorably weird, yes, Funny, no. And the singing doesn't help.

I honestly think a COMEDY show should elicit laughs. That's not too much to ask, is it? I'm not looking for realism. We have other shows for that (Boss. Starz. Awesome). I'm not looking for a moment during the show where I'm gonna go "Oh my God, that is sooo just like what happened to me last week" (best impression of my cousin I could manage). A COMEDY show should have more than one or two laugh out loud moments. Take tonight's episode for example. The only time I was close to laughing (well, maybe a guffaw), was when the blood spurted out of YouTube guy's head. And he's not even a main character. He was funnier than the main cast!!

I pine for the shows of old, like Everybody Loves Raymond or Frasier or even Becker (not seen Becker? Log off. Log off now!). These shows made me laugh. There were no gentle smiles. No giggling or the feeling of pleasant amusement. I'm talking belly-aching, spit-your-beer-onto-the-TV-screen laughs. Two and a Half Men used to do that for me. Well, it did until--that's an explanation for another day.

I'll probably be bombarded with insults and slurs and retorts about how big a jackass I am for not loving this cute and adorable show. I'm not looking for cute and adorable. I have my Teddy for that.
Give me laughs and I will give you positive reviews (I need to save that line. It's genius).

Tidbits

- All this hostility might just be directed towards Justin Long. I dunno, maybe.
- Pushing a pregnant woman into a pool is NOT funny. Tell me it is. I dare you.
- Every line from Danny Glover's grandfather was hilarious! And that guy's from The Office (Hank, the security guard). So does that make the show funny? Did I change my mind? Bring him back next week and let's see (yeah he's not coming back).
- So Zooey Deschanel is trying to win the affections of Justin Long. What's wrong with that picture?

Go ahead. Call me a moron. My opinion is ironclad.

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Supernatural - The Road Ahead

With almost five long weeks left for the next episode of my favorite show, my speculative juices (the juices that help me speculate, not the juices in my body that may or may not exist, wtf am I saying!!), were in overdrive last night so I decided to translate those garbled emotions into words.

Since my last review on 'Death's Door', I may have given the impression that Bobby's REALLY dead, and since then a lot of people have given me hell for being under that impression. There's a good reason for what I wrote.

HE IS DEAD, YOU MORONS!

Let's clear up a few things. Bobby's dead. Period. And however strongly you feel about it (not more strongly than I do) there's no changing that. The final scene with the Reaper and the choice he gives Bobby, leaves the option open for him to either cross over or remain in between the realm of the living and the dead. In other words, there's a chance he could choose to stay and possibly become a ghost. There! As simply as I can put it, without bursting a vein.

There was no cliffhanger at the end, guys! It wouldn't make sense for the writers to give us another cliffhanger at the end of a cliffhanger episode, especially since we had another cliffhanger in the episode a week before this one.

Now that we've cleared things up, time to discuss what's next for Sam and Dean. The Winchesters are not exactly in the best frame of their respective minds. With Lucifer playing hopscotch in Sam's head and Dean, well, who knows what the hell Dean is thinking, but whatever it is, it ain't pleasant, the Leviathans still need to be dealt with. Bobby's death may have triggered something we, the Supernatural universe, might have been waiting for a long time - Two Winchesters with nothing left to lose.

Leviathan Dick needs a Borax bomb shoved up his ass and the boys have to be more motivated now than ever before. We have 13 more juicy episodes left in this season and despite what's happened, I still think there's a much deeper storyline involved and the Leviathans may just be a piece that the Winchesters need to stomp over to find out what's really going on.

Those numbers Bobby wrote down on Sam's hand (454895) obviously hold the key. How many of you googled those numbers to see what would pop up?

I'm still thinking in terms of what's in store in the long run for this show. This is NOT the last season. It can't be. If there's a minute chance this show is gonna end soon (and I will burn this world to the ground if there is! Too dramatic?), season 8 should be epic. And when I say epic, this is how I want season 8 to be -

- Castiel needs to come back. Either in the season 7 finale or the season 8 premiere. Not as Jimmy whatshisname. As CASTIEL!

- Lucifer and Michael break free. Any storyline involving Lucifer, Michael and Crowley will be gold!

- Death. Julian Richings. Anywhere. Cool!

- Remember the glory days when Castiel and the Winchesters were in top form? Didn't Cas mention something about finding God?? I think it's about time God put in an appearance, don't you? Maybe God will show up with Bobby as his vessel. Awesome!

These are the ramblings of a deranged goop with too much time on his hands. Ignore them if you wish.

But seriously, FIVE WEEKS, YOU FREAKS!

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